How to get into heaven

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I asked the children in my Sunday School class, “If I sold my house and my car, held a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?”

“No!” the children all answered.

Then I said, “If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?”



Again, the answer was, “No!”

“Well,” I continued, “Then how can I get to heaven?”

A five-year-old boy shouted out, “You gotta be dead!”

Present Day Children

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As U are all aware that present day children are exposed and

addicted to modern Electronivc Gadgets like

 TV,Computer,Mobile Telephone etc.... and they wld be watching and using it most of the time.

One day in the Class Teacher asked the children

Can Any one of U tell at least one name of our Mother land .

They all started Scratching their head  and finally one
boy said Teacher it is too difficult question we need some hints
to think for the Answer.

Teacher then said OK I will ask U one simple question

Can U tell the name of our Present PM.

Children after thinking over asked madam can U give us one Clue.

Teacher said Ok He is a Punjabi.

Children cld not get the answer and asked for one more hint.

Teacher said he has turban/Pagadi.

ALL THE CHILDREN IN ONE VOICE SAID O O O, he is AKSHAY KUMAR

Baby Boys names

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Baby Boys names


Opportunities don't always shout, sometimes they whisper.

 
HOW DO THEY NAME THEIR BABY BOYS? WHEN THE BABY IS BORN;

If he smiles

 Ismail

If he has only one hair

Iqbal

If he has one hair on the ear

 Iqbal Khan

If he has one hair on the bum

Ass If Iqbal

If he shakes his dads ding dong

Sheik-abbu-da- lulla


If he shakes his moms boobs

 Sheik - Maa boob


If he is born with an erection

Fuckruddin.

LEARN TO PAY ATTENTION...............

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1st year students of MBBS were attending their 1st anatomy class.
They all gathered around the surgery table with a real dead dog.
The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor.
The 1st is that NEVER BE DISGUSTED FOR ANYTHING ABOUT BODY,
e.g. He inserted his finger in dog's mouth & on drawing back tasted it in his own mouth.

Then he said them to do the same.
The students hesitated for several minutes.
But eventually everyone inserted their fingers in dog's mouth & then tasted it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said:
The most important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION, I inserted my Middle finger but tasted the Index finger.
Now learn to pay attention.


Moral:
Life is tough but it’s a lot tougher when you are not paying attention.

Fifth grade class assignment

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Fifth grade class assignment

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: 
  
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. 

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their 
stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and 
pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that 
only Janie was left. 

“Janie, do you have a story to share?' 

''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine 
pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over 
enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and 
a survival knife. 

 She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.  She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands. 

''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher.  'What did your Daddy tell 

you was the moral to this horrible story? 

"Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking."