told a dumb blonde that if she ran 8 km. a day for 300 days, she would lose 34 kgs.
At the end of 300 days, the blonde called the doctor to report she had lost the weight, but she had a problem.
“What’s the problem?” asked the doctor.
“I’m 2400 km. from home.”
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Saflata ka Mantra
‘ सफलता का मंत्रा ‘
1- कभी टॉप न करो , वर्ना लोग तुमसे जलने लगेंगे।
2- हमेशा क्लास में लेट आओ , इस तरह हर टीचर तुम्हें यादरखेगा।
3- ज्यादा पढ़ने से टाइम वेस्ट होता है और टाइम वेस्ट करना गुनाहहै।
4- कभी टेस्ट न दो क्योंकि बेइज्जती के दो नंबर से इज्जत काजीरो अच्छा है
A PREGNANT LADY...
A pregnant lady was traveling on a bus. The man opposite her stared and laughed at her.
The embarrassed lady moved herself to the next seat. Then the man burst with laughter.
She went to Court and sued him for damages.
In his defense, the man told the Judge, "My Lord! If you were in my place, you would have done the same thing."
The judge, for the sake of the case, got on the bus, at the same stop, and the scene was rein acted.
The Judge could not control his laughter and dismissed the case.
The advertisement display board above the first seat for a shaving stick soap Company read, "Williams stick did the trick."
The advertisement display board above the second seat for Dunlop Tyre Company read, "Rubber Goods would have saved the trouble."
The embarrassed lady moved herself to the next seat. Then the man burst with laughter.
She went to Court and sued him for damages.
In his defense, the man told the Judge, "My Lord! If you were in my place, you would have done the same thing."
The judge, for the sake of the case, got on the bus, at the same stop, and the scene was rein acted.
The Judge could not control his laughter and dismissed the case.
The advertisement display board above the first seat for a shaving stick soap Company read, "Williams stick did the trick."
The advertisement display board above the second seat for Dunlop Tyre Company read, "Rubber Goods would have saved the trouble."
The Pure Wife
There was a man who wanted a pure wife, so he started to attend church to find a woman. He met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home. When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks "What's this?" She replies "A cock." He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough. A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question. She replies, "A cock". He is angry because she seemed more pure than the first but.... A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won't go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house. He whips it out and asks, "What is this?" She giggles and says, "A pee-pee." He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman. They get married but after several months everytime she sees his member she giggles and says, "That's your pee-pee." He finally breaks down and says, "Look this is not a pee-pee, it is a cock." She laughs and says "No it's not, A cock is nine inches long and black!" ******* |
What if u upgraded Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 : )
What if u upgraded Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 : )
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Tech Support Team:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
"A Troubled User"
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainmentprogram.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support) .
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several supportprograms, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 .
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0
STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. Thisapplication is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support ...
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Tech Support Team:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
"A Troubled User"
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainmentprogram.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support) .
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several supportprograms, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 .
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0
STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. Thisapplication is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support ...
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