Tuesday, March 1, 2011

h.r

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.



"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer
to stay in Heaven", said the woman

"Sorry, we have rules..."

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.


The doors opened and she found herself stepping out on to the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks  and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where
she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.


She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.


The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.


"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've
spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your
eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."


So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.


The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and acountry club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time.. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."


The Devil looked at her smiled and told...

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"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"

Mother language

Teacher asked to the students, “Children, can you tel why do we call our language the mother tongue, and not the Father tongue?”



One student answers, “Because in our country the fathers hardly ever get to speak! “

Bahar ka mat khana

Ek bar ek ladka samosa ke bich ke aalu ko kha raha tha aur bahar ke hisse ko phek raha tha.

Dushra dost usse poochta hai ke tum samose ke sirf aalu ko kyun kha rahe hoo?



Pehla: Doctor ne mujhe bahar ke chejo ko khane se mana kiya hai.

Pappu Can’t Code….

[Kit kit kat kat, kat kit kat kat , Kit kit kat kat, Let's code] 2
Hai bachelor (hai bachelor), Has lotsa dollar (lotsa dollar)
Hai bachelor, has lotsa dollar
Spectacular! He’s a developer (he’s a developer, he’s a developer)
Pappu ka dimaag tez hai, Pappu ko breaks ka craze hai
Pappu ka chashma thick black, Pappu dikhta geek hai (geek hai)
Swatch ki ghadi haathon mein, Gale mein tag company wala
[Par Pappu can't code saala] 2
Haan Pappu code likh nahi sakta!



Paida Pappu hua to outsourcing aa dhamki
Angrezon ke muh se nikhli gandhe gaaliyon ki dhamki
(hey array array) Pappu karta hai cut copy paste
(hey array array) Tester logon ka time karta hai waste
(hey array array) Pappu manager logon ka yaar hai
(hey array array) Pappu beer peene mein toh star hai
[But Pappu can't code saala] 2
Haan Pappu code likh nahi sakta!

Papa kehte the bada kaam karega
Nahi pata tha Pappu bus maska marega
(hey array array) Pappu ke paas hai B E
(hey array array) Manata hai onsite jaise ho holiday
(hey array array) Pappu keyboard bajata hai
(hey array array) Jahaan bhi jata hai, wapus aa jata hai
[Cos Pappu can't code saala] 2
Haan Pappu code likh nahi sakta
Yeah!! Pappu can’t code saala!!!

Santa’s curtains

Santa enters a store that sells curtains.

He tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.”

He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.



Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

Santa replies, “Fifteen inches.”

“Fifteen inches?” asked the salesman. “That sounds very small, what room are they for?”

Santa tells him that they aren’t for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, “But, sir, computers do not have curtains!”

Santa says, “Hellllooooooooo……..I’ve got Windows!”

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