Sunday, May 1, 2011

The Bar Story




This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. 


He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death. However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully.


He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure AGAIN, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies "It's simple, really. 
There's an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with no problems." Then he proceeded to jump out the window again. Well, these two men decided that they just HAD to try this, so they jumped out the window, and SPLAT! -- made a mess hitting all over the ground. 
Meanwhile, the first guy has made it back up to the bar. When he sits down to order his drinks,
 the bartender says "Superman, you can be a real ------- when you're drunk!"

Drunk Fart




There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar.


Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly.


The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife."


The drunks replies, " I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

Even drunken




A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs.


Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly.


But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.


A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible.


Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and went to bed.


The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.


"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"


"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."


"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"


"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"


"Well," she replied,
"my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."

Chota Santa buys sabji


Chota Santa stopped by the corner grocery store and read the following list to the Sabji wala:



10 kilo sugar at Rs 1.25 a kilo
4 kilo coffee at Rs1.50 a kilo
2 kilo butter at Rs1.10 a kilo
2 bars soap at Rs0.83 each

“How much does that come to?” asked Larry.

“Twenty-two rupees and thirty-six paisa.”

“If I gave you three ten rupee bills, how much change would I get?” said Chota Santa.

“Seven rupees and sixty-four paisa,” stated the Sabji wala who appeared to be irritated by all the questions.

Chota Santa said, as he disappeared through the door, “Mujhe ye sab nahi kharid ne ka he.. mujhe to bas apne kal ke math homework ka ans chahiye tha

Shocking Telegrams


A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent’s house in Delhi.

When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer.



He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted.
It was written:
‘Sethji aaj mar! Gaye! (Sethji Ajmer gaye )

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