Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Drinking Problem



Ella was feeling tired, worn down, sluggish, bereft of pep. Her get-up-and-go just got up and gone.

So, she scheduled her annual physical a little early this year.

When the doctor had completed the exhaustive examination.

He told Ella to meet him back in his office when she had finished dressing.

From behind his desk, the doctor said, "Well, I can't find any physiological reason for your problem,but I believe it's due to drinking."

"I'll bet you're right," replied Ella. "And, you know what? I think it's utterly shameful!"

"Now, now," said the doctor. "Millions of people have a problem with alcohol. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"It most certainly is!" Ella huffed, as she picked up her purse and stood to leave.

Pausing in the doorway, she shook her head sadly at the doctor and said, "I'll come back when you're sober."

Ways to cure a headache



The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your te*ti*les to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the te*ti*les."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store & thought, "That's what I need - a new suit."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve & 16-1/2 neck." Again, Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see ... 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."

Joe laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your te*ti*les up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.

A Healthy Life



Grandpa John was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he smiled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge.

Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."

Valentine's Day Dream



After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day.

What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"

First sign of OLD AGE


Wrinkles ? NO
Medicines ? NO
Baldness ? Certainly not.
...
Then WHAT ?
When your wife starts trusting you !

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