Tuesday, January 24, 2012

2011 was a rocking year coz...



2011 was a rocking year coz we learn a lotta new things in this year. Below are few examples :


2011 se kya seekha..??

Thappad se dar nahi lagta pyar se lagta hai..!!

Munni badnaam, sheila jawan ho sakti hai..!!
...
Dil dedo nahi to dil ka achaar dal jayega..!!

Tirchhee najar se dil penchar ho sakta hai or tyre bhi..!!

'Tinku' and 'Jiya' isak ka manjan ghiste hain..!!

4 baje tak party baaki rehti hai..!!

We can call jalebi as jalebi bai..!!

12 mahino mein 12 tarike se pyar karne ki techniques..!!

Govt Can maaf 7 khoon..!!

Ravan apni wife ko pyar se chammak challo bulata tha..!!

Aap apne brother ki dulhan par bhi line maar sakte hain..!!

Teri meri prem kahani mushkil ho sakti hai agr bodyguard beech mein aa jaye..!!

Emraan hashmi ki har picture dirty nahi ho sakti..!!

Asli don se jyada kamaai movie ke don kar sakte hain..!!

2011 definitely rocks!!!

Hilarious Musings of Lord Rama on the issue of the Setu Bridge



*A bridge Too Far----Brilliantly put it into words*



*The Lord surveyed the Ram Setu and said "Hanuman, how diligently and strenuously you and your vanara sena built this bridge several centuries back. It is remarkable that it has withstood the ravages of the climatic and geographical changes over centuries. It is indeed an amazing feat especially considering the fact that a bridge at Hyderabad built by Gammon using latest technology collapsed the other day even before they could stick the posters on its pillars."*

****

*Hanuman with all humility replied "Jai Sri Ram, it is all because of your grace. We just scribbled your name on the bricks and threw them in the sea and they held. No steel from TISCO or cement from Ambuja or ACC was ever used. But Lord, why rake up the old issue now?"** *

****

*Ram spoke "Well, Hanuman some people down there want to demolish the bridge and construct a canal. The contract involves lot of money and lot of money will be made. They will make money on demolition and make more money on construction. "** *

****

*Hanuman humbly bowed down and said "Why not we go down and present our case?".** *

****

*Ram said "Times have changed since we were down there. They will ask us to submit proof of age and we don't have either a birth certificate or school leaving certificate. We traveled mainly on foot and sometimes in bullock carts and so we don't have a driving license either. As far as the proof of address is concerned, the fact that I was born at Ayodhya is itself under litigation for over half a century. If I go in a traditional attire with bow  and arrow, the ordinary folks may recognize me but Arjun Singh may take me to be some tribal and, at the most, offer a seat at IIT under the reserved category for learning how to construct a bridge. Also, a God cannot walk in, dressed in a three-piece suit and announce his arrival. It would make even the devotees suspicious. So it is a dilemma so to say."** *

****

*"I can vouch for you by saying that I personally built the bridge."** *

****

*"My dear, Anjani putra, it will not work. They will ask you to produce the Layout plan, The Project details, Approved Plans, Municipal Building Permit,Excavation Permit, the contractor who built it including financial outlay and how the project cost was met and the completion certificate. And who inaugurated it? Nothing is accepted by these people without documentary evidence in India . You may cough but unless a doctor certifies it, you have no cough. A pensioner may present himself personally but the authorities do not take it as proof. He has to produce a life-certificate to prove that he is alive. It is that complicated."** *

****

*"Lord, I can't understand these historians. Over the years you have given darshan once every hundred years to saints like Surdas, Tulsidas, Saint Thyagaraja, Jayadeva, Bhadrachala Ramdas and even Sant Tukaram and still they disbelieve your existence and say Ramayana is a myth. The only option,I see, is to re-enact Ramayana on earth and set the government records  straight once for all."** *

****

*The Lord smiled. "It isn't that easy today. Ravan is apprehensive that he may look like a saint in front of today's politicians. I also spoke to his mama Mareecha, who appeared as a golden deer to tempt Sita maiyya when I was in the forest and he said that he won't take a chance of stepping on earth as long as Salman Khan is around."**

Ask Questions



A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"

The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breath underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

"Of course not son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything!"

जेलर फांसी से पहले



जेलर फांसी से पहले ....................किससे मिलना चाहोगे
संत _ बीवी से
जेलर _ माँ बाप से नहीं ?
संत _ माँ बाप तो अगला जनम लेते ही मिल जायेंगे , बीवी के लिए पच्चीस साल वेट करना पड़ेगा

Lessons in English Language



Lessons in English Language
Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of
 the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and
 their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead
 the discussion on the word 'tragedy'.

 So our illustrious President asked the class for an example of a
 tragedy'.

 One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a
 farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him,
 that would be a tragedy.."

 "No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident."

 A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children
 drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

 "I'm afraid not,' explained Obama. 'That's what we would call a great
 loss."

 The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the
 room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a
 tragedy?"

 Finally, at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a
 quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was
 struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens, that would
 be a tragedy."

 "Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama.. 'That's right. And can you tell me why
 that would be a tragedy?" "Well,' says Johnny, 'It has to be a
 tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss... and you can
bet your ass it's probably not an accident either."

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