Friendly advice on how to avoid the Flu

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Flu season, friendly advice

To avoid it eat right!

Make sure you get your daily dose of fruit and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because it builds your immune system.
Walk for at least an hour a day,
Go for a swim,
Take the stairs instead of the lift, etc.
Wash your hands often..

If you can't, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air.

Open doors & windows whenever possible.
Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
Get plenty of rest.

OR

Take the doctor's approach.
Think about it...
When you go for a flu jab, what do they do first?
They clean your arm with alcohol...
Why?
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.

So..
.
I walk to the pub. (exercise)
I put lime in my vodka....(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the patio..(fresh air)
Tell rude jokes and laugh....(eliminate stress)
Then I pass out. (rest)
The way I see it...

If you keep your alcohol levels up,
Flu germs Can't get you!

Live Well -
Laugh Often - Love Much

Stolen Turkey

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Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?"

"Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it."

"I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?"

"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family."

Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off.

When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.

PASTOR GOES TO THE DENTIST

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A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday After he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks For 2 hours and 48 minutes.

The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they Asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't Talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much To talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his Wife's' teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...

((I love it when I make you smile...and I KNOW you are smiling ....))

** True Love Never Does Run Smoothly **

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Brian had asked Dave to help him out with cutting his rather large garden hedge after work, so Dave went straight over to Brian's home.

When they got to the front door, Brian went straight up to his wife, gave her a big hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work.

When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her excellent cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.

Once they were cutting the privet, Dave told Brian that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife.

Brian said that he'd started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better. Dave thought he'd give it a go.

When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her, his wife burst into tears, Dave was confused and asked why she was crying.

She said, "This is the worst day of my life, first, little Nigel fell off his bike and twisted his ankle, then the washing machine broke and flooded the basement.

And now, you come home drunk!"

It's All in the Name.

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A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma.

Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, 'Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl, your brother from Cork came in and named them.'

The woman thinks to herself, 'Oh No, not my brother... he's an idiot!' She asks the doctor, 'Well, what's the girl's name?'

'Denise.'

'Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?'

'Denephew.'